Beginner’s Mind - my exploration through gender.
Growing up I often was referred to as a “tomboy”.
In my late 20’s after I entered the Yoga community I questioned the language describing the “feminine + masculine” energy. I had many conversations with those who resonated strongly with this concept. I wanted to be respectful and to understand if there is something that I’m missing. At the same time I felt that using language in this way, no matter how empowering it can feel, continues re-enforce ideas that I wasn’t comfortable with.
In my early 30’s after being asked by a friend “What I loved the most about being a woman” I was stunned. I’ve realised that I have no idea what being a woman means? I was surprised how strong my reaction was and how limiting this label felt. This discovery brought up some questions.
Through studying Zen and the concept of non-duality I began to further explore what does it mean to live a life beyond a binary? What does it mean to be ‘somewhere in the middle’? During the MA in Buddhist Studies, I spent most of the Buddhist Ethics module, diving into the story of Kuan Yin (the Bodhisattva of Compassion). I spent hours reading the academics argue whether or not we can consider Kuan Yin gender fluid? Some Buddhist practitioners suggest concerns about gender are unnecessary and irrelevant. Others argue that we deserve better answers. As I was searching through academic papers I’ve realised that although the subject of gender is frequently explored, most of them focus on the feminine and masculine dichotomy only.
In the spirit of Zen, as I walk through this liminal space, I continue asking more questions. The more I ask, the less I need an answer. This gender exploration reminds me of having a Beginner’s Mind and being willing to stay in the process of becoming. Perhaps, if I fully surrender to this process, I can experience a glimpse of the true-nature.
Further Readings:
https://www.embodiedphilosophy.com/embracing-the-trans-bodhisattva-kuan-yin/
